Brain dead.
Sitting in a cubicle.
Life isn't bad.
I could use a nap.

I'm sitting here on the Downeaster heading into Boston.  I'm about fifteen minutes out and I just can't help but think about my life since about 2006.  It's been a big change.  College in Vermont, Boston afterwards, then back home with the parents.  It's been a weird journey and I have a hard time not getting frustrated, or disappointed, or depressed about what's gone on.  

I graduated.  Awesome! First person in my immediate family who ever did.  I moved to Boston and the market crashed and I was stuck working retail.  My entire time in Boston was a, I don't really know how to put it, but it was bad and good.  I'd write more, but if I really wanted to I could write a book about it.  Ups and downs occurred, relationships ended and started, friends come and gone.  It was depressing and uplifting.  Moving back to Maine made me realize one big thing.  I'm no longer the person who I was and it wasn't a change for the better.  A lot of my positive qualities basically didn't exist anymore and my mental state was completely ruined.  No self worth, or self caring, I wasn't harmful or suicidal, but I didn't care about anything.  Depression can do that. 

It's taken some time to get here and I am no where near where I want to be as a person or where I want to be in my life, but I can say for certain that I know where I want to go and what I want to do.  When I'm not busy at work I spend my time thinking about what I want to do and wishing I had the time to do it right now. 

I have plans for the future.

I have hope.

That's a good thing.

First!

Well, I'm not positive about what this blog is supposed to be about right now. A journal to complain about life? Me posting stuff I do? Me dealing with issues? Probably all of those, but maybe not. I keep thinking that I have these great ideas, but usually I'm not really that sure about it. That and I never seem to do anything that I want to do. So, I guess maybe this will become my place of trying to be awesome... Or maybe my boo hoo why me... Or I'll post about issues I'm having and through that try to help others.

I have no idea. But I'm going with it!